“So how have you been?”
This is probably one of the most asked questions since I’ve come back to the community, and I’ve decided to just write a nice post about what I did, what I’ve been up to, and how I’m doing since y’all last saw me.
Back in March of last year, it was decided that I really needed to step back from the community. A lot of things were going on in my personal life- not having medicine, being in and out of the psychiatric hospital, etc, and a lot of what was going on online was exacerbating just how shitty things were going. So I stepped back. I deleted my Twitter with a word to only two or three people, I let my hosting and domain go and deleted my website, and I basically vanished from around these parts.
I vanished from around most parts, really.
However, most of y’all have figured that out and want to know how it is now, and well, things are actually not so bad now.
I’m on a steady medication regimen, I have a therapist I see every two weeks, and I have a doctor that tries their best to help me with my physical and my mental. I’m probably going to ask for a med adjustment at my next appointment though- maybe up some of my mood stabilizers, and get something to help my complete inability to focus or sit down for more than five minutes, but, I’m okay.
A lot of things in my personal life has changed now too. When I left, I was single and really wanting to mingle. Well, I mingled and now I have not only one partner, but two. I have a girlfriend who I love to pieces, and I have a Dom who’s also my best friend. I know y’all are wondering how I have a Dom if I’m a lesbian, and the answer to that is: I’m not sure. I’m really only ever sexually involved with him on the internet, and the only time I’m sexually attracted to him is while we’re doing kinks.
Outside of that, I’m still pretty much a lesbian. I’m not attracted to men outside of a very specific kink setting, and even then I’m only attracted to one specific man. It’s confused me a bit, but I try not to delve too much into it elsewise I question too many things and it makes me unhappy. I’d rather just focus on my two great partners and how well things go with them.
I’ve enrolled my little booty into school, and I should be finished with it by the end of this year. (I’m so freaking excited about this.) It’s stressful, but I have goals and going to school helps those goals happen, so I really look at it as a necessary step that I need to take and that makes it a bit better.
I’m making plans to move to be closer to the ones I love, and this really has helped me look forward to the future. It helps give me a reason to wake up and do well and succeed.
Just so much has happened, and I feel like it’s hard to put into words just how much has happened. Even typing this out I’m just “I’ve covered this but I don’t know if they know how much this all entails!” but, you know. If you have questions you can always just shoot me a tweet or email and ask.
I think leaving the community for a while was definitely the thing I needed to do. It was certainly hard, and I want to regret it. I mean, when I left I was really gaining traction around these parts. I was finally getting partnerships with companies, I was growing an audience, all that… But I don’t regret leaving. I needed to. I’m a huge, huge advocate for mental health, and exactly how can I fix my lips and tell people that they need to listen to their mind and body, but not do it myself? I can’t.
So now I’m rebuilding. My wonderful girlfriend is helping me too. She’s my editor (because quite frankly I need one) and looks over most of my posts before I post them to check for mistakes I miss or if I’ve somehow made a huge fuck up with wording, she does my graphics (she made my bomb ass header!), and we’re talking about her doing more. I, of course, pay her because her time isn’t free even for me, but she does such an amazing job that I don’t even stress over it.
Actually, if you’d like to hire her, you can! Just contact her. She works for others and she does a damn good job at it if I do say so myself. (Shameless girlfriend plug.)
Rebuilding ain’t easy either- I had to contact companies I fell out of touch with and explain things, I have a pile of reviews just staring at me that need to be tweaked and some need to be written up. I’ve got to get myself back up work on all of that. I’ve got to hope companies still want to work with a dumb bean who just *poof* vanished. Most importantly, I’ve got to hope I can still get sponsorships to major event(s) that I want to go to this year!
It’s a lot. But you know what, I’m enjoying it.
I’m enjoying a lot lately. Even if things aren’t perfect and at times I get super stressed, I’m enjoying a lot. It’s a stark difference to last year.
So that’s what I’ve been up to, how I’m doing, and all of that.
I’m doing good y’all, and I hope you are too.