So I sat there on my bed, toy in vag, totally trying to fuck myself into oblivion– except there was one problem: I was fucking myself, but into frustration.
The toy didn’t feel good, I wasn’t aroused, nothing was going right.
What the fuck was wrong?
I felt the excitement I had about getting my dildos in the mail start to dissipate. It wasn’t feeling good, and I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. My favorite porn was on, and the moans were nice and loud and (to my knowledge) real, and I was doing other things that turned me on.
Finally, I gave up and threw my dildo back into the box in which it came, too upset to even wash it at that moment. I put my underwear on, and picked up my phone and stared at it blankly.
“Who could I talk to about this?” I asked myself quietly. “Who could I go to about fearing being broken?”
I went to the one person I knew was very knowledgeable and who I knew would be good with advice- Epiphora.
And I was right.
She explained what was going on, she told me what to do, and bam like that I was fucking myself into an amazing orgasm.
After I was done, I got to thinking– this is why dialogue needs to be open and this is why sex education is important. Because in times when someone thinks their entire downstairs is broken because they can’t orgasm by just penetration, there needs to be someone they can go to.
Not everyone is as lucky as I am. Not everyone has a Piph that they can go to and talk about their sexual problems with. Not everyone has a community they can tweet to about their frustrations. Not everyone has a trusted someone they can go to about their body or about their sexual questions.
But they should.
It should be more normalized to be able to go to a friend, or a parent and express a fear of yours.
“Am I broken?” shouldn’t be a question you’re stuck with. Google shouldn’t be the only thing you can turn to because while Google is great, awesome, and totally there, it can provide wrong answers or give you even more questions that confuse you. Google can help but it shouldn’t be your only go to.
I don’t know about you, but I know that for me I want to become a person that people can go to. I want to devour any and all sexual education writing I can get my hands on. I want to learn more about the body. I want to learn so that I can teach. So that I can help.
My goal is to erase some of the questions people feel like they’re stuck with– like “Am I broken?”